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Members

The current playing members of the Lards.Net are (in virtual playing order):

Since half of the lards are currently employed overseas the compilation of this order was not easy, however previous ability, recent and LoT form, teams currently represented and size of lard were all taken into account.

The current non-playing members of the Lards.Net:

The current lardette members of the Lards.Net:

Roger Young

Picture: The bloody freezing one
AKA: Roj
Current Location: Manchester
Lard Rating: 2 tubs
Specialist Ability: Relative youth and immunity to hypochondria (hence the high ranking)
Current Team: Manchester Northern LTSC - North West Counties
Most Well Known For: Running the Lards.Net
Lards email name: Roj
Homepage: http://www.lards.net/roj
Marital Status: married (2004 to Flavia)

Fletch

Picture: The hairy one
AKA: The Beast, Don, King Lard, Feltchy, Wildman, Dr Luv MK II, Mike Fletcher (to his parents)
Current Location: San Fransisco
Lard Rating: 4 tubs
Specialist Ability: To look nothing like the best player in the Lards.Net
Current Team: Semi-retirement (ex Canadian top 60) - waiting for some decent opposition
Most Well Known For: Being Fletch, being a real live Wimbledon fan (note: the original NOT MK Dons)
Lards email name: Fletch
Homepage: -
Marital Status: MARRIED (yes its true) in 2009 to Adrienne)

Chris Keating

Picture: The short one on the right
AKA: Old git, Old man, Zimmer man, Short arse
Current Location: Sheffield
Lard Rating: 3 tubs
Specialist Ability: Able to watch Sky Sports for days on end, cooking designer vegetables
Current Team: -
Most Well Known For: The 'Send me a postcard' phrase
Lards email name: Chris
Homepage: -
Marital Status: single

Lloyd Pettiford

Picture: In query
AKA: Lloydy
Current Location: Nottingham
Lard Rating: 4 tubs
Specialist Ability: To play in his own controversial / confrontational style
Current Team: Nottingham Ramblers
Most Well Known For: Playing squash like a (very good) old man, being member of Matt is god party
Lards email name: Lloydy
Homepage: http://lards.net/lloydyor http://www.ardrapress.co.uk/authors.php
Marital Status: married (1996 to Caroline)

Nick Smith

Picture: The tart on the right
AKA: Tart, Tight wad, Sponge, Airhead, Blond
Current Location: San Diego
Lard Rating: 3 tubs
Specialist Ability: Making a pound stretch to a night out
Current Team: (Squash too hard so I'm playing) footy team
Most Well Known For: Never having grasped the rules of squash, being an airhead
Lards email name: NickS
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (1999/2000 to Victoria)

Nick Wales

Picture: The loser on the left
AKA: Screamer, Ciderman, The flying Dutch lung
Current Location: Rotterdam
Lard Rating: 3 tubs
Specialist Ability: Can drink six pints of cider
Current Team: Victoria SC
Most Well Known For: Throwing up after drinking six pints of cider
Lards email name: NickW
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (2001 to Bia)

John Searle

Picture: 100% Pure Lard
AKA: Searlo, Northern git, Fat lad
Current Location: Hull
Lard Rating: 5 tubs
Specialist Ability: Droning on for hours about southern shandy drinkers
Current Team: Blackburn Leisure - Hull & District League
Most Well Known For: Breaking his bed headboard (apparently)
Lards email name: John
Homepage: http://lards.net/john
Marital Status: single

Alan Lawrence

Picture: The crabby one on the right
AKA: Dr exLuv, Dr Luv Mk I, The Milkman, Milky Milky
Current Location: -
Lard Rating: 2 tubs
Specialist Ability: -
Current Team: -
Most Well Known For: Being the original Dr Luv, baby brother Vinnie
Lards email name: Al
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (1997 to Gill)

Royster

Picture: The Royster on the left
AKA: Luv Muscel, The Raptor, Roy Mussel (to few)
Current Location: London
Lard Rating: 3 tubs
Specialist Ability: Having zero alcohol tolerance
Most Well Known For: Unlimited enthusiasm for everything (so long as its not too late), parties
Lards email name: Royster
Homepage: -
Marital Status: divorced

Jonnie Harris

Picture: Jonnie
AKA: Joonnniiiieeee, Jackanory, Half of J's
Current Location: Somewhere near Reading
Lard Rating: 2 tubs
Specialist Ability: Being able to run a marathon (if his knees are up to it)
Most Well Known For: Making chicken chasseur, gardening, story telling
Lards email name: Jonnie
Homepage: http://lards.net/jonnie
Marital Status: married (1995 to Jackie)

Simon Barrows

Picture: The one with the lager
AKA: Slimes, Slimer, Slimon
Current Location: Guildford
Lard Rating: 2 tubs
Specialist Ability: -
Most Well Known For: Being one of the 3 pathetic sharks (Rob, Chris & Simon)
Lards email name: Simon
Homepage: http://lards.net/simon
Marital Status: married (2004)

Stuart Wheeler

AKA: Stu
Current Location: London
Lard Rating: 4 tubs
Specialist Ability: Ironing shirts
Most Well Known For: Missing Skifest '97
Lards email name: Stu
Homepage: -
Marital Status: single

Jackie Harris

Picture: Jackie
AKA: Jacks, Other half of J's
Current Location: Somewhere near Reading
Specialist Ability: Liking chicken chasseur
Most Well Known For: Being first girl on Lards.net
Lards email name: Jackie
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (1995 to Jonnie)

Wendy Bateman

Picture: One of the crowd - second from left
AKA: Wenders
Current Location: Nottingham
Specialist Ability: Giving free legal advice to Lards in need
Most Well Known For: Being mistaken for Rich's mum, by Smithy jnr. - not a reliable witness
Lards email name: Wendy
Homepage: -
Marital Status: single

Caroline Arnold

Picture: One of the crowd - on the right
AKA: Norks, Norksy, Mrs Pettiford (by very few)
Current Location: Nottingham
Specialist Ability: Mellowing Lloyd
Most Well Known For: See nicknames
Lards email name: Caroline
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (1996 to Lloydy)

Gill Lawrence

Picture: In close up
AKA: -
Current Location: -
Specialist Ability: Taking piss out of Vinnie
Most Well Known For: Being Al's wiff
Lards email name: Gill
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (1997 to Alan)

Sara Wright

AKA: Ms Wright
Current Location: London
Specialist Ability: -
Most Well Known For: Supporting the Chelsea
Lards email name: Sara
Homepage: -
Marital Status: -

Sophia Rex

AKA: Soph
Current Location: Oxford
Specialist Ability: -
Most Well Known For: -
Lards email name: Soph
Homepage: -
Marital Status: single

Alison Footman

AKA: Ali, Tart, Blond
Current Location: London
Specialist Ability: Having same nicknames as Nick S
Most Well Known For: Having first baby lard
Lards email name: Ali
Homepage: -
Marital Status: single

Beatriz Bottura

Picture: In the air
AKA: Mrs Wales-Bottura
Current Location: Rotterdam
Specialist Ability: -
Most Well Known For: -
Lards email name: Bia
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (2001 to Wales)

Victoria Talaric

Picture: In white
AKA: Mrs Talaric
Current Location: San Diego
Specialist Ability: -
Most Well Known For: Marrying Nick twice
Lards email name: Victoria
Homepage: -
Marital Status: married (1999/2000 to Nick)

Flavia Fernandes Moreira-Leite

Picture: In Rio
AKA: Mrs Moreira-Leite
Current Location: Manchester
Specialist Ability: -
Most Well Known For: -
Lards email name: Flavia
Homepage: http://www.flavia.org.uk
Marital Status: married (2004 to Roj)

Note: Due to spammers lifting email address from this site, all the email addresses from this page have been removed, the lards email name is still here and if added to the lards.net address will make an email address for any of the above.

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