Subject: Dangerous Living Well for those of you on my mailing list not familiar with the lards..let me explain: They're a group of lads that used to play squash at Southampton University, my brother being one of them (that's my connection)and we all went on an unforgetable ski trip to Andorra in 1994. At present they're in Buenos Aires for Nick Smith's wedding, so of course we all met up. Yesterday we all played squash, or we attempted to, nobody was in good physical condition. Then we went out as a huge group to Nick's wife's parents house.....very nice too...swimming pool etc. Well the food was superb, empanadas...which are tasty pastries with all kinds of delicious fillings, and of course washed down with copious amounts of beer and wine. Eventually, after a great night of old stories and a lot of laughter we were asked to leave. Well most went back to the hotel and that was it. However, I carried on with the infamous Fletch, and to be honest I can remember very little of the night out. We went to a pool room, ordered a coke and 2 glasses and then topped it up with our whisky bottle. i couldn't even focus on the pool balls and I don't remember anything else. I woke up, and this is strange, in a doorway of a shop in the pedestrian section of Buenos Aires. Disturbed by the window cleaner, who kindly allowed me to wipe off the foam on the shop window with his scrapper...I've always wanted to do that! I haven't yet spoken to Fletch as it is the afternoon, and they've all left the hotel. Wild times eh? but tonight will be a bit more sedate I think...... The new age traveller. Vinnie ------------------------------------------ Fletch here. Well, we{ve now said our goodbyes to Vincent (Vincenza, don't you know)and I can fill in some (don't worry, Vin, not ALL) of the gaps in Vinny and Fletch's big night out. Basically, we were ejected from a pool hall because of Vinny's loud behaviour (hard to fathom, eh?), although his attention to the waitress probably had something to do with it too, and then he confronted a gentleman on the street regarding said gentleman's sexual preferences, in quite vociferous and indeed pugilistic tones too. There then followed a session of 'true confessions' (please, someone, when Vinny gets back to the UK, check him into some kind of clinic - or maybe a church is more appropriate - he is a very sick young man and desperately needs help and guidance). Obviously I am not at liberty to share any of these confessions, but suffice it to say I shall not be going anywhere near his mouth or anywhere his mouth has been! Then, the evening petered out in a seedy $10/ beer hooker bar after Vince had successfully negotiated our entrance with a 40 yera old lady of the night out on the street - and I thought SHE was the unfortunate one to be accosted by us! That, I'm afraid to say, is where I left him - to the tender mercies of the hooker with a heart. His bed was a shop doorway that night. Viva! Viva los lardos! ------------------------------------------ Subject: A word of warning!! Please take some care with these emails...my bloody family are on some of the lists you're sending out..and I'm not overly happy about it!! Read this from my parents to me.... 'Vince, We have just read the message from Roger Young and your mother and I are very concerned. We do not know if it is all true but getting ejected from a bar for rowdy behaviour and spending a night drunk in an open doorway is not being clever and is very dangerous. We both remember that at Alan & Gill's wedding you were badly affected by drink. I know you will not like receiving a lecture but you must appreciate from Barry's experience just how precious it is to have good health. Please do not throw it away. Take care. Dad & Mum' Lets take care guys or my messages are going to be a lot less strong and I'm going to cut people off my mailing list...I'm serious. Vince. ------------------------------------------ Vince I'll say one thing for you, you never fail to disappoint. Keep up these type of e-mails- much more interesting than all that Inca Trail nonsense. P.S. Did your folks read about your homosexual experience in Montevideo? Jeremy Kilpatrick ------------------------------------------ Hi B family, Just pointing out that Fletch and I just did a reply all to the message Vinnie sent out, he said in that that he slept in a doorway, so assumed it was ok to reply to all who revieved that one, and didnīt check individual names. For Al attention we enclose the email he missed. Roj (& Fletch) ------------------------------------------ Vinnie named and shamed Absolutely top email, Fletch, could be one of the all time greatest - and to think that it went to my folks!!!! I laughed so loudly that James-chan started laughing too. Oh yes, you are the number one Lard scribe and chief raconteur. I look forward to your literary publication: 'The life and times of a chief Lard' - a collection of short and sordid tales of irresponsibility and mirth. I agree that Vinny's prurience is a concern - he has indeed found new depths and is going to need several decompression stops to get back to the sunshine and light of healthy living. Don't hurry though, Vinny, we are all enjoying the ride and I reckon your body can take a few more years yet!!!! Big Bruv', Big SIL, James-chan and the Jelly Bean.